My whole life, I’ve abided by the belief that if you want something, you work hard and make it happen.

For the most part, this type of thinking has served me well and this belief has been reinforced over and over again as I set goals and achieved them.

• Graduate college and get a job working in PR during a difficult economic time? Check.
• Fall in love with yoga, become a yoga teacher and teach my own classes? Check.
• Quit my full-time job to start my own business? Check.

But then, of course, there are so many things in life you can’t control, no matter how much you want something or how hard you work to get it.

So lately, I’ve been experiencing this inner battle with myself. An inner battle between going after what I want vs. letting things come to me.

My Type-A, everything’s on the calendar, hardworking, go-getter self says:

You can have anything that you want.

Good things come to those who hustle.

Go after all of your dreams.

Tell that person how you feel about them.

Express your needs. What do you have to lose?

Make it happen.

My peaceful, meditates every day, spiritual, yogi self says:

Everything is perfect in this moment.

You are exactly where you are supposed to be.

Allow life to evolve and unfold.

Stop holding on so tightly. Loosen your grip.

What’s meant to be yours will be yours.

Relax. Let things come to you.

[Tweet “The ultimate inner battle: going after what you want vs. letting things come to you.”]

Two starkly opposing outlooks. Two starkly opposing views. Two starkly opposing approaches to life, love, careers, friendships, happiness, decisions.

There are many strong arguments for allowing things to happen. Leo Babauta from Zen Habits wrote an amazing post about the wisdom of allowing things to happen. He writes:

You have less stress, less to worry about. Imagine allowing things to happen naturally, and things work out, and all you did was smile and watch. You don’t have to worry about shaping things, about controlling something that doesn’t want to be controlled. You don’t have to push, and fix leaks, and put out fires. You just let things work on their own. They happen.

There are also strong arguments for going after what you want. Kate from Your Courageous Life writes:

You step forward and declare what you want, and then you create it on your own terms, because your success at being your fullest expression of yourself is actually a gift to the world. It becomes the vehicle for someone else’s life to change, too.

So, which one is right? Is one right?

As with most things in life, I think the answer may be: it depends.

I’ve found that going after what I want can only take me so far. Yes, I can set goals and create action steps to get there. I can tick off my list of things to do. I can hit various milestones. Sometimes that gets me what I want. Other times, that only gets me to a certain point.

And sometimes, I simply don’t get what I want, even if I’ve done everything in my power to make it so. And I have to accept that that’s okay, too. That maybe it’s even for the better.

This is where the letting things come to you part enters the conversation. At a certain point, we need to release control. Loosen our grip. Allow things to unfold. Give it up to a higher power, the universe, whatever.

For me, what this comes down to is:

• Know what you want.
• Go after it.
• Let what’s going to happen, happen.
• Accept the outcome, good or bad.
• Learn.
• Move forward.

My outlook blends taking action, which as a Type-A person makes me feel good, along with having confidence and faith that what’s meant to happen will happen.

I do believe that what you need comes to you at the right time, even if you don’t quite understand it.

Whenever I feel confused or sad, I read this quote and it brings me back to earth:

“My heart is at ease knowing that what was meant for me will never miss me, and that what misses me was never meant for me.”

Let’s chat about this! I’m curious what you think. Do you believe in going after what you want, letting things come to you or some combination of the two?

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