Today, I’m pleased to welcome debut author Erin Duffy to the blog! Erin is the author of BOND GIRL, which comes out tomorrow! I’m in the middle of reading this book right now and I absolutely LOVE it. 

Well, it’s not so much that I forgot, but that the rules simply no longer apply. I feel bad for mothers who worked so hard to teach their children proper manners and etiquette only to watch the world of finance undo all those lessons in ten days or less of work. Outside the office is one thing, but inside, there is absolutely no room for much of anything you learned in kindergarten. Allow to me provide you a few brief examples.

1. Say please and thank you. This one actually makes me laugh. On Wall Street, please and thank you  are replaced with “do it” and “now.” Saying please and thank you implies you are asking a favor and that you are grateful when you receive it. Save the pleasantries for the outside world. There’s no room for them here.

2. It’s nice to be important but it’s more important to be nice. Well that sure as hell ain’t true. It’s actually, “it’s important to be nice but it’s more nice to be important.” No one here is vying for the Corporate Mr. Congeniality title. Where is this mythical place where all coworkers are nice to each other? Do you follow the Yellow Brick Road to get there and then hang a right at Narnia? If any of you have directions, please send them over. I’d really like to see this place.

3. Share everything. The only things people on Wall Street believe in sharing are free food and Town Cars. We are a highly possessive bunch; what’s mine is mine and you better not come near it or I will rip your arms off and beat you with them. The worst violation of Wall Street rules is trying to “share” someone else’s accounts. I shutter just thinking about it.

4. Wash your hands before you eat. I’m sorry, but that would require leaving the desk basically once every hour. We eat all day long while we work. Unless you want to stretch the definition of wash to “lick the barbeque sauce off your fingers before you pick up the phone,” this one is probably a goner too.

5. Apologize. Wait, if I say I’m sorry does that I mean I am admitting I was wrong? The only way you are likely to get an apology is if someone accidentally knocks you down in the hallway or spills hot coffee all over your lap. Even then, there will probably be some blame placed on you for not watching where you were going and not wearing heat resistant pants.

6: Take naps. Four words for you, “sleep when you’re dead.” Sorry Ms. O’Connell. You were a wonderful kindergarten teacher, and you certainly tried your best, but you’re no match for Wall Street.

Thanks so much, Erin! To learn more about BOND GIRL, please click here.